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Floccinaucinihilipilification

                                                            Floccinaucinihilipilification          _jamal

TV…Yeah.

The chewing gum for your eyes..Can sometimes chew your head too. The word ‘Tele-vision’ is half-Greek and half- Latin so What good can come out of it?!

 Here I sit in front of it .. Jobless..Changing channels faster then my persistence of vision… with this remote in hand…Still ,I feel I am in control of something here…The TV…is at my mercy !  Its my slave.. That’s what I think. I think. I do.

We have News…..someone shot somebody… Hmm..That’s what TV’s greatest contribution to human society is -  It has brought Murder back into the home, where it really belongs. NEWS is the only 24 hour soap opera that runs simultaneously in 20 odd channels… The same stuff…scandals… murders…  disasters… We don’t really care about them …until and unless we have something or someone to do with it…Do we? And there is the show called…’The Mother-in-law was once a Daughter-in-law too’..hmm..This has to be the Greatest Comedy show ever..beating even ‘Seinfeld’, ’Simpsons’ and co..This show just has everything…It puts ‘The Bold and the Beautiful ‘ to shame. Watching this show gives me a kind of strange happiness …hope..It tells me ...boldly- “Marry  ..as many times as you want … whoever you want ..whenever you want”. Thank you. Sometimes I just wish there was a control knob on this TV to …Turn up the ‘Intelligence’ ..The one marked ‘Brightness’ doesn’t help.

Sitting on this bean bag..ya..the lazy bag…makes the whole thing a little easier…this thing was sure invented by a lazy …bean shaped guy who loved his bum more than anything..They look a lot like gunny bags…so was it an Indian??

Yes..Its lonely..in this apartment..21 floors high… I hate the College hostel..or is it vice versa?! Just couldn’t be there for more than a month... The guys… The rooms….The food… I couldn’t take it. I am a spoilt kid. Ya … I am. In the same room u catch guys studying… doing stuff-Ya u got it…. Sleeping….chatting…. all in the same room. That’s what I could not get used to no matter how hard I tried. Yes. I tried. Now, I don’t care pretty much. I have always wanted an independent den for myself. This apartment fits the bill. I thank my dad. He is in US …. Working for Americans… Hmm..I don’t care..I have this perfect balcony..it has just the perfect scene…stars..moon…the sky..suicide !!..Ya ..My Balcony is  perfect for the ideal suicide..My Balcony screams “ Jump off me, and Gravity will do the rest for you “. By the Ideal suicide I mean the one in which You Die , You don’t end up living  because then you are taken to prison…Hmm..and if you are left crippled…Ha..So Try and Try till you succeed. But I cant understand how some people can commit suicide.. Why kill yourself?!  Life will do it for you. But I do agree “Life is a movie.”..and sometimes it can suck… badly…If you have sat half-way through the movie and you cant take it anymore…you try to walk out. No one should blame you…Then when You die…Amen… you do hope that you go to heaven … or hell too… But what I always wonder is how can anyone spend so much time in heaven or hell … Eternity?!! …C’mon man, I am already bored of this earth… In Heaven..you are not supposed to  do anything bad… no sins allowed… Then what do we earthlings do there?! Because sins are our way of life. We can’t do without them. They give us satisfaction.  And in Hell… Can we do anything there?!! Are we supposed to be punished for eternity ? Won’t we get bored… And we’ll definitely get used to the pain. Hmm… Reasons that I don’t believe in this crap of Heaven and Hell. They only make up good songs. On the ‘Highway to Hell’ leading to the ‘Stairway to Heaven’.

And watching TV with me… sitting beside me.. is this huge , cubical ,seedless Watermelon..Those are some new adjectives for a melon. I read it took a bunch of  PhD scientists 15 years of research, gene splicing etc  etc to produce this melon..Now  who are these people whose whole life has revolved around melons?  Scientists who dreamt - “ I am going to devote my entire life to melons…Its fine that there are so many people dying of cancer etc.. of course cure for cancer is important.. but for me…Its melon”. This makes me happy that I am not a scientist. I am eating fruits..ya…that’s not usual…but lately I realized that ”Junk food is just like Love “ . Both taste good… smell good… Tempting… But they are meant to make you sick!!  And the cans of food and juice I have in the refrigerator …all have crossed their expiry dates. Eating something beyond its expiry date scares the shit outta you…doesn’t it?! You fear you might just become a Mutant! Not a wonderful mutant like Spiderman but a disgusting one like Hulk !

Sick. Now where is this guy? I have been waiting for him for an hour now .  ‘Pardner’ . That’s what I call him. My best Buddy. The only one who understands me …to an extent..’Pardner’ and I have been great friends since our first day of engineering.. We are so different from each other…but we have had zero differences … He is the only guy I respect and care for.  I hear the doorbell ring..That must be him.

Hey Pardner …What took you so long..You Ass..I was freaking out here watchin this TV..I was just about to jump off the balcony..

Bro, What should I do?!..It was the traffic. That flyover Jam ..Everyone out there becomes super-abusive…. becomes ultra-smart..The ‘F ‘ word flying everywhere…… today I came across some beautiful abuses never heard before..I feel enlightened … and what ‘s the deal with this ‘ Middle finger’ ..One guy raises it and the other guy‘s anger just shoots up like you know what.. Just raising a finger against someone has such an impact…worldwide…what can it mean? I never get it.

Pardner …you don’t understand. The ‘middle’ finger.. The beautiful gesture so graceful…so elegant ,simple…yet it speaks so much..I am sure it was invented by a genius…a genius who had only one finger.  

Keep your theories to yourself. I can’t stand this traffic anymore. Then to top it all, there is some ‘L board‘  driving her car like an auto … I got off my bike to blast her….But

But?!

Man..She was so cute!

SO??

I just told her..politely.. to drive properly…

Pardner..you still have the weakness for cute gals ?The Bloody Cupid is always sitting on your shoulders…ready to take aim.. C’mon man..what is this crap ?!

Hey I told you ..she was very cute…I couldn’t ..do anything…I was lost in those big eyes of hers.. 

Big?  eyes?!…doesn’t seem to fit too well. …These Cute females always get out of trouble  in a jiffy..because of sick nuts like you.

Buddy ..you have had your share of pretty girls…So …You just don’t care now.

Oh… so Pardner… Is it my fault now... that I have the rare charm… I am the master of these subtle fine arts??

Ok Bro..Now don’t start teaching me ‘ The 7 habits of highly effective girl trappers ‘… I have had enough crap on the way. Won’t you show me the CDs you bought?? Only some Music can save my soul now.

Yeah..Pardner look at these … The special edition 10 CD pack of the all time greatest Rock Anthems…from The Beatles..to The Queen …TO Red Hot CHilli Peppers..

Hey Bro, was lead singer of “Queen “  Indian?

Yup, Freddie Mercury was a Parsi-Indian. He even did his schooling in Bombay.

Wasn’t he gay??

Yeah..So what?!…Pardner….What’s wrong with homosexuality?  All the members of  Red Hot Chilli peppers are gay. The Great Elton John was gay… and Leonardo da Vinci was a bisexual ..Kurt Cobain was…psychologically...and so was Adolf Hitler....They are not molesting children .They are not raping anyone …are they?! So what’s the whole fuss about this homosexuality and the whole sex thing in our country.?!!

Buddy..We are still in India …We need some time  to  become the US of A !

Become USA?? That’s what it has always been about. Our Independence is 60 years old now.. So I guess its too old to do anything now..For us Indians The Homosexuality has always been a taboo subject. We still giggle at the words…Homo-erectus..Homo-sapiens... though they don’t mean anything that way. Some guy was telling that ” Why should Boys have all the fun ?! “  is actually the motto of the new-age females confident of becoming lesbians. All you guys are such ‘Homophobes’. And whenever a guy compliments a guy, He is labeled “ GAY “. A bunch of great hypocrites. Guys who have homosexual fantasies cant resist them and they sure cant understand them, so the best they can do is to use the “ Denial “ policy. Insane.. and Cheap.

Wait a minute Bro… Don’t tell me you are Gay ??

Hey Pardner…I wish I was one…But I am not.… I wish every guy on this damn earth was one… Then the world would do a lot better. No heartbreaks. No jealousy. Friends would remain friends forever. The Guys could keep all their money to themselves.  They would sure work a lot better. They wouldn’t get distracted…at all…

C’mon  Bro. .you are freakin me out?? Please calm down…I cant talk about this anymore…lets get on with your music now..But I still cant understand what makes you buy these expensive “Original” CDs … while you can get the mp3s on the net for free.

Pardner…you’ll never understand…mp3s don’t give you the actual sound as the artist had created…You lose half the magic..In these CDs …Let me play and show you …Lets listen to “ Sweet Child of Mine “ … Here don’t you feel  The Great ‘Slash’ is playing right here…That’s the effect I expect from my music..I don’t want the drums to sound like a stick hitting a cardboard…and Free stuff?? C’mon …grow up..Its not free. The artists are paying for you…Free downloads are killing the music industry… Piracy sickens me.

Oh yeah… Bro… Then why do you keep buying pirated books from the roadside??

Pardner… You don’t understand. Music is an art. Writing was. Now what you have to do is to take a timeless classic… Cut, Copy and Paste. You write your own book. And These writers are looting people with their books. They dwell on controversial topics to sell. Believe me… Writing a book on a controversial, pan hot issue is as easy as sleeping in the class. Can anyone write anything on a simple topic. Paulo Coelho did it with ‘ Alchemist’ but he couldn’t carry on that way too. He came up with ‘ Eleven Minutes’ . A book about a Brazilian Prostitute!! I hate him for that, Pardner. So It doesn’t hurt much if you buy pirated books.  But Music of these Greats is what I can do anything for. And I am sure that I am gonna do something about this piracy. I need to repay…. A debt.     

What Debt ? what are you talking about?

Yup...Pardner…The infinite pleasure…The ecstasy ….The soul...These artists have given me owe my life  to Music.

 Oh Yeah?? Then why didn’t you join a Rock Band??   

A Band ??  Gimme a Break Pardner..These guys try to ape so many artists at a time…No one has any original sound..They cant do anything on their own…The best they can do is to become one of those childish “Boy-Bands” . What makes people like these  Boy-Bands is beyond my senses. Cry over lost love, Sob for a girl…This is all they can do.

Hey…Teens like these Boy-Bands…because they somehow relate to them.

Relate to them…Hmm..Pardner…These Boy-Bands are making everyone sick. They only tell you that love is this …love is that…all that crap…and you are supposed to cry.

Hey …Bro…Even Guns’n’Roses write love songs…. “Sweet child o mine “ , “ November rain” ??? What do have to say to that… “Pinnacle of Hypocrisy”?

You morons don’t understand the subtleties. Ya. They are love songs….But they don’t tell you to cry..they don’t tell you to die for love…all crap…different perspective buddy…Now look at your face…You are already frowning…Look at mine..cool as a cucumber... I hate that vegetable though.

Ya ya… You and your cold face...I hate that smile you are giving me now…But Bro..How can a new band have original and different style of music..when we are all so heavily influenced so many  great artists ?!…

You know Coldplay …Red Hot Chilli peppers..They created a very different significant style of their own..They have an unique sense of music…And then there is His Holiness, Marilyn Manson !!

Boy !! I hate that guy…His music ..His lyrics..his videos..and above all his appearance ! The guy has had so many cosmetic surgeries …He is no longer Human !..

Pardner… Morons like you who don’t like Marilyn Manson are all jerks... brainless jerks...who have no opinion of their own… who have been born and brought up to become jerks..Face the reality Pardner!

Ya..You are a self-proclaimed atheist…and you have to stand by all the stupid atheists out there.

Pardner…To you I'm an atheist. But to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. God is so incompetent. If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.. Albert Einstein ,Marlon Brando, Woody Allen, David Gilmour, Ernest Hemmingway, P.B.Schelley, Che Guevara, Madame Curie, Karl Marx , Sigmund Freud, Isaac Asimov. Every thinker is an atheist. Let me ask you some questions here. If God is infinitely good, Why do we need to fear him??  If He has truly spoken, Why is The Universe not convinced?? Pardner, Religion is the opium of the people.  I am an antitheist more than an atheist. The Whole concept of religion is a lie… a lie which is being systematically repeated over ages. What do religions do - divide people..People are at war for such a stupid reason as Religion , God etc…

Bro ..These are sick arguments to disprove the existence of God ??

Ok …Pardner …if it turns about that there is a God, I don't think that he is evil. I think that the worst thing you could say is that he is, basically, an “under-achiever”. Don’t you think the unholy earth owes all its misery to God and Religion?! It’s a pity.

Bro…No religion teaches you to go to war…The war is always the brainchild of some cruel, selfish morons who brainwash the youth ….

Brainwash?? That’s what I am saying…The whole world has been Brainwashed into a bunch of senseless morons who are happy accepting all the myths of God  and Religion…Just Imagine..No God- No religion- No War..That’s it!

C’mon now…There is much more to war than religion…You have economic interests..some superpowers…Atheism is not the solution to everything and It’s Insane..Buddy…Today It is cool and hip to be Anti-God, Anti-US, Anti this and Anti-that…That’s what You are following Bro… So you mean to say we should believe the greatest douche ‘Charles Darwin’s’ theory of evolution . No way bro. How long will you lie … to yourself? You know  that God exists. You just wanna be cool and be an atheist for the sake of it. Anyway…Please I hate to discuss Religion, Politics among friends…Just leave this Shit aside…

Ya it is Shit ..At least You agree with me now..

Oh …C’mon bro…But I still think God woke up on the wrong side on his bed…on the day he made you.

Ok Pardner, Though I don’t believe such crap…. I like your line. Hmmm.  Such a silly thing as religion should never come between us…We are above all this.

Fine …thank you. Bro, all the people seem to have forgotten my name including myself… Everyone calls me ‘Pardner’… I have lost my identity …Thanks to you !!

Pardner, Relax...You have not lost your identity…You have got one …Look, No Name is unique , You always share it with someone . But now you are the ‘ Pardner’. What a cool name !!

Ya…Its atleast better than the other names you have come up with for others like ‘Slimy’, ‘RV’, ‘ Big Bum’, ‘ Carom-Board ‘, ‘Bean Bag’,’ 8 Ball ‘  etc etc…

Pardner, The thing is names are always deceptive , misleading and to tell the truth…I am horrible at remembering names…So I just christen you with the first name that flashes when I see you…and It becomes popular.

Popular…that’s what you have always been Bro !  I don’t know why Pretty Girls always like the ‘Bad Boy ‘ of the class the most. You always had no problem getting them. But You never had any girlfriend from our college.

Look Pardner, The ‘Bad Boy’ is not easy to carry at all. And The one thing I learnt very early in my life was to never have a girlfriend in the same school or college as you. The benefits are

1.       You don’t worry about flirting a little with other girls in your college..

2.     You can hang out with guys in the college as you are not stuck with your girl. I pity the guys at college  who are always stuck with their girlfriends and have to sacrifice the ‘ Guy Fun ‘ – I mean the sports, “Babewatch”  and so many things.

3.     You can always keep your ‘Love Life’ separate from your academics.

Isn’t this Theory of mine worth a Nobel?!

Yup, Bro ..You are a Genius. No one can beat in these matters. But You always seemed to have trouble keeping the relationship going ??

No way ... I was always happy breaking a relationship. Those girls were so dumb man. Every one of them had the same thinking…The same problems…only different packaging that’s it! Breaking off is not hard as it seems to be. Look many people stay as couples just because they cant break off. You should just do it like a band-aid: One motion-rip off! Then there is another problem…Some girls suddenly get emotional and start saying “ I Love you”…I just reply to them” I love you too my dear… but I think we need to see other people”.

Man… Only you can talk about girls like that.  We guys had to always toil…make strategies for getting a girl…and you were already throwing them away ?!

Pardner, The whole “Get a Girlfriend “thing is pretty hyped up. It’s a lot easier than you guys think. You just need to play on their emotions. Tap their senses. Its no big deal. I still wonder why you don’t have one?

Hmm..I have never met a girl who is my type Bro.

Yeah…That’s what the losers say when they cant get one… You guys actually have one simple problem which gets in your way. Once you are about get yourself a girlfriend, You suddenly realize …What next ? and you have nothing to do… You have conquered the peak…Now You cant do anything but fall. You tell yourself-We have had our moments…Held hands .. Kissed … Now what do I do? That’s why you screw everything at the tip…. Including yourself.You guys are always in the hunt, But you never shoot. You live up your life with this “hope” of getting one. You remember that guy from college who always tries so hard to impress a girl…doing stunts…and doing what not ! That guy is living a great life. Every morning he wakes up with a hope, a reason to live.

Yeah …Bro...That guy…Who can forget him…Despo no.1 .

And don’t you pity the guys whose sole ambition in life is to get a girl Pardner. They try everything. Different hair.  Tattoos. Earrings. They try to show their biceps. Speak with an accent. And there are these guys who end up broken …become ‘Devdas’ just because some sick girls rejected them and they have anything left in their lives. So they end it.. Actually Pardner…On second thoughts I don’t really pity the guys who commit suicide. These guys don’t deserve to live at all. They better stay in Hell.

 But Bro..Guys aren’t the only despos out there. Even girls do this all the time. After Holidays following every semester what we see is – Every girl has had a make over. New clothes. New Hairstyle… etc etc.

You are right Pardner. Girls too sometimes get really desperate and do what not. The clothes the girls wear can tell you everything. Have you seen the aliens in movies. They all wear the same outfit like all the Martians are wearing the “Mars outfit”-shiny silver suit with V-neck … and they are also far more ahead than us earthlings as they have designed these inter-galactic space ships… So I do think that after some years when we are as developed as they are…All the earthlings would be wearing the same outfit- The “Earth outfit” .We would not need all the sick Fashion designers we have , who do nothing more that laying the designs meant for shoes on the pants, for sarees on the shirts, for tops on the bottoms. That’s it. And for doing this crap they earn like hell.

Hey Bro, You are talking like Jerry Seinfeld. You have been watching Seinfeld seasons and Woody Allen movies so much that your whole thought process has now become a slave of their style.

Oh C’mon Pardner…I have always been like this, I just share my views with Seinfeld, Woody Allen and Co.  

and  yeah, have you seen these girls who are trying to hide the fact that they are dumb by reading heavy novels, biographies and  then ‘Shakespeares’..

Hey Bro , Do you know that many scholars contend the Shakespeare used to hire other poorer writers to write his plays and all he did was grab the credit while making rather crude jokes about them.

But Pardner… Either way… You have to admire him. Its not so easy to fool the readers worldwide for so many decades. I admire his spunk. Whatever…  Girls think that reading can get them the image of an intellectual… Ha…They may all be very pretty but they are  dumb.

Hey How can you say that Bro?…I know many girls who are not dumb … There is this girl who reads novels all the time. She is damn Pretty and She is a very intelligent girl.

Then why dont you go for her…Pardner? She is your type, isn’t she?

Bro…She already has a boyfriend.

Ha..So??

But her boyfriend is a friend of mine. And I don’t know what to do. So I just left it as it was.

Hmm.. Pardner…That’s why you have so much respect for her. You know that you can’t get her. So it’s a human tendency to admire things we don’t have and would never get.

No way Bro, No one will agree with you. There are many Pretty intelligent and intelligently pretty girls out there.Yeah Pardner…  Beautiful Women have always made life difficult for men. We just cant seem to live without them. As Einstein put it- “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity”. But after a while, It becomes ‘Vice-Versa’ and that’s where its over for me.

C’mon Bro… Havent you ever experienced such a beautiful thing as ‘ Love’ . The purest of emotions. The….

Hey stop it Pardner… I know you are a poet and a brilliant writer. So don’t show off. Ha… Love … and me. I am actually sure… all these guys and girls who go all the time together… are just looking for something… not someone to fill their lives. And by the way… What ‘Pure’?! No Pardner... The reason for attraction has always been this one thing-“Expand your species”...So we are still in the same mindset. Whenever we see a pretty girl..We go mad..but subconsciously we tell ourselves-“ I want her genes for my child “.

Ha Bro… You and your stupid knowledge. Whatever it is. I know I am a poet and you are a painter. So aren’t you supposed to be emotionally pro-active to paint??

Pardner…Ya. But as a Painter I don’t need to know Love and all that crap. Its an inner turbulence that helps me through. Have you seen me ever painting beautiful sceneries… Nope. I call my paintings ‘ Random Art’ because nothing is planned when I hold the brush. Its just a canvas mapping of random

Emotions. And rage, anger, hatred are also emotions Pardner. But I like some of the poems you have written where you have chosen not to brag about this “beautiful world” and instead dwelt on reality.

Thank you Bro. But I must tell you… I also like the one short story you had written. Floccinauci…something?I don’t get the ridiculously long title it had… Whats that??

Yup Pardner… It means 'the estimation of something as valueless'!"

Hmm… Returning to our discussion… or rather debate… what makes you not admire the pretty girls ? I just don’t seem to get it.

Look Pardner… Pretty women are good but sometimes they are too arrogant and proud about it. Those stupid females don’t understand that they are pretty only because they are really lucky that they were born to good-looking parents. Its no big achievement. Just that fortune smiled at them. So what are they proud about?? And I do sometimes imagine that if I could Hypnotize every guy on this earth into believing that what’s not beautiful is actually beautiful…what stinks is actually fragrant and etc… The whole world would just go nuts. It will be brilliant. While all the hypnotized guys run after ugly women…I can have all the pretty women I want. Ha…

Yeah…bro..You and your superb plans… But you have been roaming with them all the time, haven’t you??

Yeah Pardner… But now I am sick of the dumbness rampant everywhere.

Because you have always been after looks bro. You don’t care about their inner beauty.

Ya Pardner… It’s a bloody compromise between cuteness and dumbness. But I have never cared about the inner beauty … and all that crap.

So Bro, You go out with them… though You just seem to not like it at all.

At first I was fine, Pardner. Then I started going to movies and plays with them. Thats when things went berserk. They would insist to watch all the crappy Art films, Documentary style Award winning movies… They cant understand em..  Yet they show-off by crying throughout the movie… and the post-mortem once the movie ends. Ha.  Somebody help me. I just cant understand how people like the movies of the dumb director who casts all the superstars in his family… has the same crappy story everytime… has the same 4 word title and talks about his movies on all the channels. Huh? Chills run through my spine. That guy is a sicko. I challenge him to make a hit movie with no superstars in it. Insane.  I can only watch movies by Tarantino or Clint Eastwood or one-time wonder directors who churn out masterpieces like ‘Fight Club’, ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind’ etc…

Hey ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind’… The movie starring Jim Carrey right? But Isnt it a Love Story?

Love story? No Pardner. It’s not. The guy still cares for the girl. But the girl doesn’t. What I liked about the movie was the manner in which the director could show the randomness of our thinking. And the girl I went with to the movie couldn’t understand the movie at all … and there she starts crying … telling me how emotional the story was. Huh! Bloody experience.

So You haven’t learnt anything from all these ‘Experiences’ Bro??

Hmm.. Learn? What’s there to learn now? Ya I know that the combination of beauty and brains is rare Pardner. But You have brains…right?? Then why do you want them in a girl?

Then Bro, how can you ever find a Girl whom you can truly love?

I think then it happened…Pardner.

What happened, Bro??

Ya..Pardner… You know it. Then I met her.

Who are you talking about??

The girl, Pardner… since then…my crappy life has never been the same.

I have no idea what you are talking about ,Bro !

Pardner… she was a girl suddenly made me realize… I had been wrong all these years. It suddenly felt like My Jigsaw puzzle got the last lost piece. I could not dodge that bloody Cupid’s aim…. Finally. I don’t know why. Her very thought would raise the tempo of my heartbeat. Everything insane felt sane…Feelings never felt, Dreams never dreamt carried me away…and away from myself…

Bro…You are telling me you are in Love?!

I don’t know Pardner. Love is too simple a word to describe the state I am in. I don’t know.

Bro You never told me about this?!

Pardner… I myself was trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me! My heart was doing much more than just pumping blood. Suddenly everything around me… The blue sky…Rain… The earth…including myself- made sense while I myself was going numb. I could not help but realize that God exists. I started proving myself wrong. I did not make sense to myself. She was no longer a mere human…for me…she was a feeling…she was everything. I told myself that something is wrong…but it felt so right.

Bro… Are you kidding me…or??

No Pardner… I hope I was. I really am in Love or whatever that is.

Does she Love you?

I don’t know…

You guys know each other?

Ya Pardner… You know her too.

Do I?

Ya… You are her friend …aren’t you Pardner?

Am I? Who is this girl you are talking about?

Pardner.. Don’t you remember…I had asked you about this girl? I had asked you whether you had feelings for her? You had told me that she is only a friend…Only a friend!

Oh… That girl…Ya. Is she the one?! You never told me that.

Pardner… You should have told me that you like her at that moment…You told me she is “just a friend”.  I would have suppressed all the feeble feelings I had for her then… when I was in control of my feelings. Now when I am a slave to my feelings… I come to know that you like her too.

Sorry Bro… you should have told me that you love her when you asked me about her. I too wasn’t sure of my feelings then. But slowly… she became close to me and the next thing I know is I cant get her out of my mind. She also liked me… I guess.

C’mon Pardner… I am losing everything I guess. You should have told me …that you love her. It’s the first time you hid something from me. Was this Love of yours beyond of our friendship?

Oh Bro… I can expect the same from you. Why didn’t you tell me as you were in Love before I was? How can I expect a guy like you to fall so badly in love with a girl?!

No Pardner… You should have told me … Now when my whole life revolves around her… You tell me you too love her. Is this fair?

C’mon Bro… you are not making any sense to me… By the way… Go and pick up the phone…Its been ringing for so long!

Fine Pardner… Let me answer the phone ... I think I have left my phone in the bedroom. Don’t go anywhere … We have things to sort out.

Ok…Bro. I will be in the balcony. You take your time.

Fine Pardner…I  will be back…

(Conversation on Phone)

Hello…….

Hello……

Hey Jamal, What’s up man? Hey, You sound dull tonight, What’s wrong man?

Pardner?!

You wanna talk to Pardner…just a sec, Jamal.

No man… Pardner is Dead.

What? Pardner is Dead?? What are you saying Jamal?!

Ya…man. We found his body in his room. We don’t know if he shot himself or was it someone else ! Man… I don’t know what’s happening. Can you come over here…

Hey … You must be kidding me Jamal. C’mon tell me now… what’s this all about huh?

Try to understand man…Pardner is gone! Are you listening to me??

Ok… Ok… I will be there…after sometime. I have something unfinished here.

(Conversation on Phone ends)

So Pardner is dead!! I don’t get this. He is right here in my apartment.I have talking to him for all this time. Who was I talking to all the time?! So What is all this about. Jamal doesn’t make these kinda insane jokes. And he seemed really sad and serious. I need to figure this out. I will sort it out. Myself. I guess we have something unfinished…

So…Where were we Pardner??

Hey Bro…Who was that on the phone?

It was Jamal.

Why did he call?

He just wanted to confirm the plans for the weekend.

Oh the Trip!

So Pardner …Tell me. Where were we? I wanna finish this matter asap.

Ya Bro. Me too. Why didn’t you tell me Bro? I wouldn’t have ever come in picture at all. I did not have any idea that you love her. If I had… I would have avoided her right away. But look…I didn’t know anything and… don’t you agree that when a guy like you can fall for her… How can I not?

Look Pardner… Its still possible. You know I love her. So why don’t you just forget her?!

C’mon Bro what are you saying?? How can I forget her now. I love her… and she loves me too. Don’t you know that? Are you insane?

Oh Yeah …Pardner. I know she likes you. But I don’t think she loves you. Has she told you that?

Some things are best said unsaid. I know Bro…She loves me too.

Ya…Pardner. I think I know…that you both love each other or whatever. I had seen you both kissing!  The Pain I felt that moment….I can never forget. Everything went numb…including myself. I could not feel myself. That was it.   I couldn’t take it. So I came to your room to sort it all out….

Ya Bro…you came..you yelled…you begged…You wanted me to forget her.Bro…Cant I expect the same from you?

Ya… Pardner. I came to you. I requested. I pleaded. But you still tell me…that you love her. I don’t get it. Its too much for me. Cant you just listen to me? Try to understand Pardner … I am going insane…Please?!

So … You just shoot me?!

What? I shot you ?!

Ya …Bro you did. Don’t you remember?

No Pardner? When?!

C’mon Bro…you just shot me…before coming back to your apartment  and watching TV…Don’t you remember??

Oh…Ya Pardner. Now I do. I couldn’t think of anything else…actually I couldn’t think at all. You know me. Sorry.

So Bro…is that your explanation?

I am sorry Pardner…I shot at you . You know how irrational and impulsive I am.

Ya…Bro I know. But how could you kill me?

What? Did I kill you? Oh no. Then how am I talking to you, Pardner ?

Bro…You have been talking to yourself …I am here…because you want me to be. You think I am here…you think !  Its your guilt which is eating you up.

So…You are really gone, Pardner?!

How many times are you gonna ask yourself this question? You know the answer. You just don’t wanna believe Bro… Do you wanna live in this illusion forever? So…what are you thinking, Bro?

Pardner, I don’t know how I did that to you…but I did. So can I do anything for you now…to even matters??

Bro…You kill me and ask me what I want…why don’t you ask yourself??

Sorry..Pardner. I wanna Undo everything..I always thought why don’t we have an ‘undo’  key …in our life!…The stupid computers have it.

Bro…You have a button called EXIT.

Oh…Yeah..We do.

So what are you thinking Bro…

I was just thinking how high my Balcony is!

So, Bro what are you gonna do now? Jump off your balcony??

Hmm… I need to think about it. Hey Pardner you know any better way of …doing this??

Bro…throughout the ages…people have amazed us with their unique ways of doing it. You can inject air in your veins…You can blow your head off…You can inhale and never exhale….Eat yourself…so many ways …So what have you decided?

I think I am gonna give my balcony a chance..Pardner…It deserves it. And I have always wanted to know how it feels to kiss the ground from so much height..

All the best Bro…I hope you don’t get crippled…

No way..Pardner….I am sure balcony wont betray me…So here I come…

Welcome back Bro!!

Jamal